I use to be a bullshit thinker. Something useless or useful always cross in my mind.
For example what if I died, will all my friends come to my funeral ? How about my family, will they cry ? And what about the decoration of the funeral ? Will my soul comes out from the body ? so I can see the whole progress.
This is funny sometime. It can be useless cause formerly we know nothing after the death. It can be a great table topic while having dinner with gang of friends.
I am bullshit thinker. The guy I love is running in my mind everyday. With mutual understanding, we will never get together. Yet I think of him with my every breath.
Always imagine how are we on bed? What will be happened for our first bedtime together ? What breakfast I gonna prepare for him after the night ? Will he dumps me after the night ? Will he makes my dream comes true to go travel with only both of us ? What if he officially introduces me to his family or what about my turn ? How are we going to grow together ? What is our future ? Will he does some romantic things ?
See, above my burbles dreams.
He is the only one I told that I like him so much, yet we can still be "friend" after the rejection he gave to me.
We argued for many rounds on our funny feelings with each other and misunderstanding in communicate within us. I can't leave him even though I decided to do so. Thanks god, he doesn't leave me too.
The days we gained, the less we can be with.
I know he will slowly calm down and transfer the attention on me to another guy who may better than me.
It will be very hurt to me I understood. But, I willing to spend my time with him, this is all because I love him.
I really love him.